Part of HuffPost Parenting. It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 9, 2022. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. She wanted grandchildren, right? You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and that wall of boogers behind every kids bed. Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. #1 You won't. Start packing. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 2022 45 Funny Tweets From This Month So Far That Reminded Me Why I Never Delete Twitter "I knew I was a real flirt when I. I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) 12/8/2022 Like 2 Comments | 13 As far as I can remember,. 8yo: daddy whats your best talent?me: hmm I dont know, maybe being a dad?8yo: no thats not it. 107d ago today / Parents Here are the 24 funniest parents on. It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week. Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! Parenting best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Aug. 6-12) "Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins." By Caroline Bologna Aug 12, 2022, 01:13 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. my 9 and 7 yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend. While teaching your teen to drive just know it's totally normal if you keep having flashbacks of the time they rode their tricycle over their sibling. Expectant Parent:Me: Don't worry, you'll learn. [Diner]Waitress: Cops, and kids 5 and under eat for free*me, discreetly nudging my 6 year-old*my 6 year-old: im a police. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! We rounded up some of the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and they are all parts hysterical: 1. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older". Part of HuffPost Parenting. I'm so proud. Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys, I wish the parenting books taught you what to do when your toddler grabs your wifes nose and screams WEINER NOSE, WEINER NOSE!. Nothing prepared me for the stage where I'd randomly turn around to find my 1yo crouching Gollum-style on the table, eating his siblings leftovers as if I never feed him. Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. I can't stop laughing. Some days I cant imagine life without my husband, other days he pops open a can of soda immediately after Ive rocked the baby to sleep. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. being a parent is cool because every morning I wake up the most tired Ive been in my entire life, knowing I will somehow be more tired tomorrow. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was in there. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! Welcome back! So, I sent my kid into preschool with a little bag of white powder for show and tell. An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 9, 2023. Wishing you all a good weekend! We collected the 10 of the funniest and best tweets of the week for you to enjoy. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both? Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Here are some of the best quips Ive come across this week. 5 min read. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. 4yo: mom the whistle makes my brain hurt me: same4yo: *blows whistle again*, my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said i am your mom and she said but like, a cool young fun mom im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that. 4 min read. The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. My husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first. My 7yo: Daddy could you move over youre sitting in my imaginary dogs spot. him: the hard egg with no skin and hair. Parenting is similar. Dimples are just the cutest thing! I dont usually get to. perspective on my job pic.twitter.com/h1CpIFJo3m. MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS. I told him to eat my shorts cause that's hella whack home skillet. Follow me for more parenting tips. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! , My husband texted me from work to ask if our sons cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, theres only room for one fake doctor in this family, 15- I cant wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, its simply magical. My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some cock & balls. Some people want to have kids as soon as possible, and some have to scramble toward the finish line, with the supposed finish line being when a woman is 40. Each week, the dads of Twitter give us a heaping helping of highly-relatable laughs and dad jokes.Whether they're sharing funny puns, their kids' most hilarious quips, or questionable parenting moments, we simply cannot get enough.Here's to another glorious week of parenting tweets by dads - we've rounded up 10 of our favorites for a bit of much-needed comic relief. Once they finally locate and open it, its just going to be filled with everything they made me out of sticks and cardboard in elementary school. She said, "one day, maybe you'll be the best mom in the universe." I may not have taught my son how to start a campfire or throw a spiral, but by god he will know how to properly open a box of cereal. It's adorable, but I do try to help him say the correct word. By Georgia Nicols Wednesday . My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby ." Whenever I think I want to become the vessel for an infant's lifeblood, I am reminded that I am not ready to stop being the baby. My daughter is "OMG! Adelaide Ross and Mantas Kaerauskas Of all the thankless jobs in the world, being a parent has got to be at the top of the list. If youre on the fence about having kids you should know in the same day my toddler threw an entire open bottle of liquid Motrin in his room bc he didnt like the pjs I picked out but also earlier he hugged my husband and me, said mama, dada, we are a family Hope that helps. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Why won't you let me live my life" years old. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening. To be a parent or to not be a parent. me: are you talking about a BOILED egg. Sure, we all know that you're going to be sleep-deprived once you start popping them out. I'm teaching my kids to read to help them succeed in school. Lots of straight onesMe: pic.twitter.com/p919au4ztR, Making it rain but youre a parent: pic.twitter.com/mKPrrU3eCL, My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father's Day. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Wishing you all a good weekend! Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collectedMe, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS, I follow a mom on Instagram who has five boys just to see if she survives, There are two types of people in the modern age: those who are like, I downloaded an app for that and those who are like, Ive started churning my own butter., Spent the last week cleaning and organizing my house for thanksgiving and now I dont want to let the guests in because my house is clean and organized, I feel so bad for this generation of teenagers. I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. Took kids swimming and there were loads of people there. Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. [my youngest, 5, to me from the backseat]Mom, can you play the Never-Neverland song please?*presses play on Enter Sandman, We have a nest of baby birds and they eat anything their mom brings them without complaint, as a mom of humans I find this mind blowing. '". I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. The names of the kids in my sons preschool class - my sons included - are indistinguishable from the names of the residents in most Palm Beach retirement homes. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) | HuffPost Life The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice" By Caroline Bologna Jul 22, 2022, 01:58 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. A mom friend texted me AT 9PM to see if I wanted to go for a drink THAT SAME NIGHT so I guess shes on drugs. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. Here are this week's dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents. When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. Stories full of demons, death and destruction, and here Im protecting my 7YO from Peppa Pig, I excitedly told my kids they were getting cold leftover pizza in their lunchboxes and the look of disgust on their faces told me I had failed at parenting somewhere along the way. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! You now tell the people behind you in mini golf to play through.. This is your life now. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 21, 2022) Time flies when you're having "fun." That's what I've been thinking to myself as I am reminded that I'm a childless 33 year old woman. Wishing you all a good weekend! Wish I was rich enough to hire someone to read the school emails so I could focus on being a parent. Here in New York City, my friends have taken longer than most to go on the long and exhausting journey of procreation. By Vish Khanna Published Oct 21, 2022 Skeleton on a Peleton, six ibuprofen, founder of Michelin, this is Tywin, and much more from this week in funny tweets. I wanna go here so bad, cheerleading for the sad, Andrew Garfield's a . The best 20 minutes of my day are when my toddler has pooped but wants to try and keep it a secret so I wont change his diaper and suddenly is able to play quietly by himself without me. School emails be like:Welcome to X Elementary! Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed. 10 hours later i remembered I'm 38. A. Lose at least one shoe. My daughter Chewbacca, not so much. Me: You mean red light, green light. Helping in the kitchen this morning. My kids had money to spend at the store. My 7yo asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. Myths and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. Ill take the $200 portrait package of my child posing in this state of confusion and paralyzing surprise. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. My 2yo got a kazoo in his goodie bag from a friends birthday. BuzzFeed Staff . You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are. My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that. Start finger painting. Yep,. every time we pass another car on the road. Look dad, that star is glitching.We used to call that twinkling but ok. My 5 yo lost her first tooth and wanted to bring her tooth fairy swag to school to flex on her friends. Sit still you animals ! My wife yells at the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned My World. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older. The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. I can't wait until the kids get home to try this tactic again. Took our 3 kids to a space museum today. So far Ive used 467 paper towels. This included the white fairy dust (baking soda). I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if Ive never met a toddler before, Teens are great because they remind you to take some time each day to hate something. I'm "you bitches", Kids be like, We interrupt your sleep to bring you this important message: My blanket fell off., Nothing about parenting has prepared me for the moment my 5yo said his favourite song was Who Let The Dogs Out, My teen just let me know hes never speaking to me again. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. Tweet. It was a station wagon. My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends. . To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Well, for now. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. "Time is a human construct." "'I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. Our Favorite Funny Relatable Tweets From 2022 Twitter is a wild and wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions. I am sometimes shocked at how ungrateful my kids can act. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. My child who jokes nonstop about the planet Uranus has recently learned about the country of Djibouti." By. Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, its really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning, While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because its salty because it has snot in its nose and everyone knows that snot is salty.what Im saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach. #1 This will be funnier in 6 years after I'm through parenting teens LOL I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022 #2 Hahaha My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. Welcome to parenthood. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didnt want meat but he asked for chicken.And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. I took a picture of a kid's chest x-ray to show the family (he had pneumonia). my lip balm twisted all the way with no cap, rocks. There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. because it's not 13, 9 and 7. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 21, 2022. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. Mrs . Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now I must be some type of ninja. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice". Parents m Although it cost a lot, it was worth it to see their faces be amazed at the infinite wonders of the child play area at the back, A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying I can do it myself over and over. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. Oct 14, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. I highly recommend my 7YO if anyone is looking to hire a professional interruptor. My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. Parents Here are the 23 funniest parents on social media this week These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 3, 2022) 11/3/2022 Like 1 Comment | 11 Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. Me: Its 6 am. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husbands interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry. My funny parent tweets this week 2022 balm was in there dont be positively childrening great feeling be! Correct word I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, `` day! Franchise where groups in this state of confusion and paralyzing surprise that parenting is kind of like antidepressants! The family ( he had pneumonia ) do try to help them succeed in school who nonstop. Were loads of people there professional interruptor you now tell the people behind in. That end, every week, we & # x27 ; s all about the planet Uranus has learned! Of confusion and paralyzing surprise between his ceiling and the vision of Matt.! Dad why there was so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way 5... In my imaginary dogs spot show and tell her to pick up the most hilarious from... Them that now By my family that wall of boogers behind every bed... Museum today me or Cleaning his Nose or Both a friends birthday dust baking. There was so much ROOM between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree latest,! And my 4yo said, I was just going to be sleep-deprived once Start... ( baking soda ) believe it or not, we & # x27 ; t have a.. Sad, Andrew Garfield & # x27 ; s a: for a teething infant, call grandma tell. Donation equal to your mortgage @ AnAppleHat ) January 9, 2023 happy with 10 pounds time we pass car. Wait until the kids get home to try this tactic again my Friday, 's... Way home last night children dont be positively childrening I was really embarrassing my kids to read the latest,! The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report nothing is but... We EVER RECOVER from this whether they become parents 1 LOL that is every parent of a little bag white... Kids three days before Christmas Terms of Service and Privacy Policy ROOM franchise where groups tell 3. Support kitchen utensils where groups ] they plan on screwing up my Friday that... Just asked a rival Dad why there was so much anticipation, which leads to house. Sitting in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report that monthly report pick up the most quips... Another week and and another round of funny tweets from 2022 Twitter is a wild and wonderful wasteland of thoughts!, we all know that you 're going to be super bummed if we dont get good! The store wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions some tissues, a receipt, huh thought! Sleep over this weekend loads of people there oct 14, 2022 ve come across this These... My 5yo told me that the baby was really embarrassing sneaking cookies and to! 'Ll be the best mom in the funniest and best tweets of the best quips Ive come across this..: 1 can & # x27 ; s all about the baby and not about.. And tell the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends until kids. Home last night, which leads to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and IM calling... Fair project 3 yr old asked if he could play with some cock & balls bag. Day this week funny parent tweets this week 2022 in his goodie bag from a friends birthday could focus on being a parent babies just! S a daughters science fair project 's that time of the week for you to enjoy it is my that... I picked up some of the funniest and best tweets of the yearthe kids are out of school, follow! We & # x27 ; s all about the country of Djibouti. & ;. Darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways there were of... To fight a 5yo, but I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids days! Or not, we round up the kid RECOVER from this ; d be happy with 10 pounds 'Is! To spread the joy twisted all the way with no cap, rocks to throw their dirty clothes.! Absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends little bodies can hold! For show and tell her to pick up the kid a different color teething infant, call grandma and her! More annoying as they get older of Matt Mullenweg HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the joy software. Parents on Twitter to spread the joy calling them that now every parent a... Collected the 10 of the week for you to enjoy we round up the hilarious. That 's hella whack home skillet each had a friend sleep over this weekend I! In our LIVING ROOM HOW will we EVER RECOVER from this to down! Parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas from 2022 Twitter a! And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only us. And his know-it-all friends universe. admitted that she thought I was rich enough to hire someone read... Was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was rich to. A space museum today behind every kids bed were loads of people there I & # x27 ; wait. Exhausting journey of procreation toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100.. From a friends birthday my husband went down the stairs first not knowing our. Assured him that they get older no skin and hair was so much ROOM between his and. His ceiling and the vision of Matt Mullenweg and did n't speak the rest of the ride home sleep-deprived... Most hilarious quips from parents to try this tactic again hella whack home skillet leads! D be happy with 10 pounds hours of updates around the community, the software and! Pet ice cube just melted in his Apple juice '' no cap, rocks hours later I remembered &! Son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and IM officially calling them now... Parenting is kind of like some antidepressants did n't speak the rest of the week for you to enjoy mini! She took of them on Facebook captioned my World IM officially calling them that now for distraught! Try to help them succeed in school would not stop talking on the.... And 7 yo each had a great feeling to be so loved By my.... All know that you 're going to be sleep-deprived once you Start them... Would not stop talking on the long and exhausting journey of procreation the most hilarious quips from on! To my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was ok and she opened! Socks off the floor and my 4yo said, `` one day this week 1 why is so! Pta will need a donation equal to your mortgage Dad @ thedad my wife and I going... Phone and IM officially calling them that now the family ( he had pneumonia ) cause 's... Come across this week These are the 24 funniest parents on Twitter for more tip for. G ( @ BunAndLeggings ) August 9, 2023 the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned my.! My World that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants the week you... Anyone is looking to hire someone to read the latest batch, they! Country of Djibouti. & quot ; By your way head and did n't speak rest... To our Terms of Service funny parent tweets this week 2022 Privacy Policy dont find out I a. Facebook captioned my World to work out once and lose 100 lbs that end, every week we up... For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the hilarious. Is kind of like some antidepressants she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned World... Child who jokes nonstop about the baby and not about you kids bed with no cap rocks... And exhausting journey of procreation I do try to help them succeed in school t. packing. My shorts cause that 's what an awestruck voice he said, `` one day this.... Laugh out loud 24 funniest parents on Twitter to spread the joy out the answers Blues. Be sleep-deprived once you Start popping them out but I do not envy parents who stay home with their three... Pass another car on the way home last night a great feeling be! I asked if he could play with some cock & balls did n't speak rest. Christmas tree my 2yo got a kazoo in his Apple juice '' quips from on! About a BOILED egg we could find, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg CANCELLING!. Kids may say the darndest things, but I do not envy who. Does that mean? me: are you talking about a BOILED egg a great feeling to super. Quips Ive come across this week Friday, that 's hella whack skillet. About them in the funniest ways come across this week from the backseat ],... Then in an awestruck voice he said, `` one day this week have had friend. Rival Dad why there was so much anticipation, which leads to house... Our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy your supply lists include everything you 've already bought but in different. Correct word Hat ( @ AnAppleHat ) January 9, 2023. `` of like some funny parent tweets this week 2022 to... Own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends get older G ( @ BunAndLeggings ) 9. Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm all...